A picture is worth a thousand words...or so it is said.  This adage is certainly true in my life and work.  I continually think in "pictures".  Below is a collection of shapes and diagrams I use when discussing relationships and community.

These circles depict a healthy relationship.  They are of equal size, power and status.  They have a healthy connection and defined boundaries that help them both relate and remain individuals.  We all crave this kind of relationship but it requires maturity and a commitment to learn love.

When one person dominates a relationship it appears this way.  While relationships require occasionally deference, this individual surrenders themselves to the other.  At some point in time they will likely fight to be free and the relationship will take shape of the diagram below.

In this style of relating there is little emotional connection.  These people may live in the same house, share the same room...even share the same bed but there is little else shared. 

God has created us for relationships...I know there are times we feel like only the devil would turn us over to some of the people we've met...but things like marriage and family are truly sacred.  Furthermore we cannot help but become like those individuals we relate to which is why the bible is clear about the kinds of people we befriend.  This diagram/grid is to help us think through who we relate to in a more strategic and intentional way.  The grid pictured below will further define some of these relationships.

Each square on the grid is a "window" into your life.  Think of it as both access and perspective.  People can't know all about you, but it is important that you share elements of your life where you wish to gain perspective and counsel.  Inviting people into these various places brings the richness of a biblical community.  In the center square write your name.  Above your name is a space reserved for a coach/mentor.  This is a person who you've asked to coach you.  This is NOT someone who simply TELLS you what to do.  Rather this is a person who is mature, wise and passionate about you becoming who God has designed you to be.  Therefore they are helping you think through your life experiences and respond with wisdom.  Encouragers are people who are like Barnabus in the Bible.  They seek to encourage you, pray for you, listen to you, challenge you and support you.  You know them and you trust them.  Lastly a Timothy is a person or ministry that you are investing yourself in.  You give your time and talents to them.  One of the greatest tools of Christian growth is to mentor someone, because we learn best what we have to teach others.

Every relationship on earth is a triad, not a dyad.  We get in trouble when we think us and them.  But when we ponder God's involvement in every word of every relationship it all takes on new meaning!  The challenge of love is to live out of our relationship with God.  "We love because He first loved us" 1 John 4:19 is in fact instructional to us as believers.  When considering Paul's statement in Galatians 5:6b "The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love." it sure appears that God intends for us to depend on Him to love like Him.  This Triangle depicts this kind of relationship.