Mark R Spencer
 
Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed. The prayer of a person living right with God is something powerful to be reckoned with.  James 5.16 (message)

One common reason for people passing on the “village concept” is the terror of being known.  All of us live with a fairly acute awareness of our personal shortcomings, faults and miscues.  We wonder quietly (and nervously), "what would they think of me if they knew?"  But take a moment to speculate from the opposite direction-what if they don’t know?  That’s a critical consideration because our sense of experiencing love is directly related to our openness to being known.  Therefore, those moments when we are "found out" can become places where love conquers allowing us to triumph over hidden weaknesses as well!  

I remember early in our marriage trying my best to be social.  Our church was packed with young couples and we were perpetually invited out.  Now I’m an introvert and back then I was pretty unsure of myself.  So, oftentimes I would just decline social invites out of fear of being known.  My wife, on the other hand, is extroverted and outgoing.  Yes you guessed it, one day we had a “show-down” at the intersection of “introvert street” and “extrovert boulevard”.  She was exasperated by my repeatedly turning down friends and wanted to know what was going on.  I had a choice to make.  I could risk “being known”, or flee down the familiar path of defensiveness and hiding.  Thanks to the Holy Spirit’s stranglehold on my neck, I chose wisely and ventured out into being known.  (Yes there are times when the Spirit is not quite so gentle!)  

After a surprisingly comfortable conversation my wife assured me, “Mark I love you, how can I help you in this?”  Now we have to be careful in these conversations.  In particular, we need to notice how we hear things.  I could have misread her comments to say things like: “Mark, I love you…now shape up buddy” or, “Mark I love you…don’t you love me enough to just do this?”  But the reality was she loved me and wanted to be helpful.  Those contrary thoughts were my issue to wrestle and displayed how rarely I had risked being known.  

Continuing the conversation moved us toward resolve.  She asked, “What can I do to help?”  I answered, “Pray”.  She assured me she was.  I then shared that I really did want to change, but it was hard.  I told her that I was meeting with our pastor and a friend, but it was just slow going.  She understood.  Then I shared something that I would not have normally risked.  I told her that I would appreciate it if she wouldn’t be let down when I declined on some social outings.  I explained that I often felt trapped by potentially disappointing others-especially her.  So rather than having a sense of choice, I always felt like I “had to”.   Part of being known is stretching to share how you truly feel and what you really want in a situation.  It may result in conflict or rejection…but it can also lead to a deeper sense of being known and understood.  To my amazement she quickly and cheerfully said she understood and would do her best not to pressure me in any way.  

So for the next three years…yes you read that right…three years…she patiently supported me.  The result was an epiphany where love broke through.  It was a heart-splitting revelation cracking through my hard-shelled interior like an oak tree laid open by lightening.  I realized then that this woman really loved me.  Up until then the only other person I was convinced loved me was my mom and I wrote that off as something she had to do!  After all, she was my mom.  But my wife-she chose me.  Yet when she saw my not so lovely side, she bore with me patiently for those three years!   In the end, her knowing of me led to my experiencing love…real agape love.  Her love and patience embraced my weakness bringing real transformation and community.  So it is with villages.  People learn to stretch towards one another in divinely inspired ways.  As they do, one risks being known while the others risk love and grace.  When they meet, the village becomes paradise...and wouldn't that be worth it?

 


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